I came across a letter on my computer tonight, that I wrote to ex before I moved here.  It’s full of strong, sensible statements from me regarding why I needed him to be honest about his intentions behind coming here.  I also was reminded of all the utterly ridiculous bullshit I put up with from him.  So much that was simply childish, backwards, nonsensical bullshit.  I’m not proud that I dealt with it, but I learned from it, so there’s that.  I get annoyed, too, when I remember that I frequently say to people that he isn’t a bad guy, just not the right guy for me.  Maybe he’s not “bad,” but he’s certainly selfish and full of shit.  

Daniel’s in the house with me now, still watching YouTube videos.  I asked him to turn it down a bit, and his immediate reaction was to put on his headphones.  I didn’t have to ask, and he wasn’t even a little bit pissy about it.  I remember a handful of times when I would ask ex to put on headphones while I do homework so that I could hang out in the living room with him, but still get stuff done.  His reaction was always childish, pouty and super put-out, like I was asking him to cut off his foot for me or something.  What a dick.  His reaction to nearly anything I asked him to do was shitty and mean.  I’m a little disgusted with myself thinking back on that relationship.  I try not to do it in detail too much, because I’m really, really not proud of myself.  

Daniel, though…he makes me proud.  I’m proud to be loved by him, I’m proud to be his friend, his lover, his roommate, his companion.  His kindness genuinely makes me try to be a kinder person.  He’s making me a better person.  I hope I do the same for him. I think I do sometimes.  I love him, so, so much.  

And my homework’s still not done.  I might have to take a little nap soon.

4 days ago

So much for not getting complicated.  I have no feelings for XC beyond friendship, but I am willing to keep going with the physical part because it’s fun.  That, however, has completely fucked up the way I’m thinking of Chris.  I’m currently noticing that because I’ve got a bit of the “under someone new to get over someone old” thing happening, I’m less self-conscious about being honest with the way I feel about him.  So I asked if I could call him—there’s no number at which to do so—and simply said I wanted to hear his voice.  That would’ve made me feel too vulnerable before XC.  Now it just sort of feels like it’s time to lay everything on the table and see what happens.  I want to talk to him.  I want to tell him about it.  But I HAVE to do it in person.  I just have to hope that he doesn’t hear about it from anyone else (like XC) in the meantime.  Which means I need to talk to her.  I thought she wanted to hang out tonight but I haven’t heard from her.  I’m not butthurt about it at all.  I just worry about where her head’s at.  We need to talk.  I hope it happens fucking soon.

8 months ago

It’s time to try my hand at busking. And maybe get a roommate.

12 months ago

I’ve been in San Diego with some friends/classmates for the last five days. I’ve kept my patience and wits about me surprisingly well so far. I think knowing that we’re almost home and the constant camaraderie is ending, though, has squashed my remaining patience. Friend N and her money concerns and her apparent need for us to hold hands wherever we go has finally gotten to me. I’m trying to not be a short bitch, but I need some alone time.

1 year ago
”

Feminist theory can open your eyes or shut them tighter. If you are open to the idea that you have lived your entire life on a social throne and everything you say and do is an example of the privilege that your dominant gender has, then you have the ability to start tearing down these social norms and make new ones. It’s not self-flagellation; it’s admitting that all throughout history, sexism has been used to oppress women. Men will continue to see feminist theory as a threat because by feminists showing time and time again that females are equal in every intellectual and most physical respects to males, men are incessantly having to make excuses for their behavior and prove to themselves and other men that they are indeed everything that the world has told them to be.

Jesse Lawson  (via msandrogynous)

(via socio-logic)

1 year ago

ruineshumaines:

A grenade built like a piece of fine China really makes you think. UK-based artist Magnus Gjoen always seeks to challenge a viewer’s preconceived notions of what is the norm. The artist’s intentions are to represent beauty in otherwise destructive or unappealing objects. By combining decorative appeal and destruction, Gjoen creates parallels between the two, forcing the spectator to draw connections. He adds fragility to strength while incorporating religious motifs. His works are thought-provoking and actually mind-boggling once you learn that these aren’t actual sculptures. The experienced graphic designer creates each of these embellished items digitally.

1 year ago

If it weren’t for red wine stained lips, no one would know how much I drink.

1 year ago

Even though I know it’s burning cancer into my chest, I love the way sitting in the sun all afternoon makes my skin smell.  Unshowered, but not unclean.  Very human, kind of musky.  Kind of sexy.

HAHAHAHA.

It must be nearing sex werewolf time.

1 year ago

Today, I don’t want contrived romance.  I don’t want awkward, I-just-met-you-and-am-judging-you interactions.  I want warm, soft, comfortable and comforting.  I want affection and cuddling and heavy petting and making out.  I want no make-up, dirty feet and t-shirts.  I want to fit in the crook of an arm, and feel safe there.  

THIS is why is sucks to be single.  THIS is what it’s like to be lonely.

1 year ago

croatoan:

fuckshop:

i want to have sex and i’m really sad that i’m not right now

hahahaha

Tambien.

(Source: syencefyction, via croatoan-deactivated20120318)

1 year ago